Well, dear friends, here we are at the beginning of August 2024, and it’s not new news to anyone that our political future is in a state of deep uncertainty. I mean, really, we’re steeped in this reality, and it’s awfully hard to get away from it. In that sense I apologize for bringing it up here, but bear with me! I bring it up for a reason: as a coach, it’s part of my job to help people stand tall in the face of uncertainty.
There are a lot of words we can use to describe uncertainty: uncomfortable, scary, destabilizing, temporary, or exciting (to name a few). But despite the fact that the times we live in are unprecedented, one thing we cannot say about uncertainty is that it is unprecedented. In fact, the reality that life is full of uncertainty is one of the basic tenets of Buddhism, and I don’t know anyone who would call Buddhism “new”. We live with uncertainty every day in our lives, on many levels, which means that we also live with the emotional turmoil that uncertainty can present. It can throw our safety and stability into question, it can make us feel like we don’t have the right answers, and it can lead us straight into negative self-talk or self-blame. These feelings make it really hard to stand tall in the face of uncertainty.
What’s going to happen at work? How will my kids turn out as adults? Was that email I just sent a terrible idea? Should I spring for a new car? And oh yeah, are civil rights about to be trampled under a new government? Uncertainty can happen on a LOT of levels and it’s with us all the time. Happily, the way to stand tall in the face of uncertainty is more or less the same for big and small issues.
Heads up: I’m about to list some tools to ground yourself as you deal with uncertainty, but please, please note: these are only starting points that I hope are helpful. ALL of these points are easier said than done, so if you find yourself getting stuck on any of these in practice please do not despair or be hard on yourself. Also, not all of these suggestions work for everyone. Any personal growth is faster, easier, and more effective with personalized guidance. This guidance can be from any trusted source like a therapist, a spiritual teacher, and of course, a good coach. You know yourself best, so if you think you need support for any of these steps, please reach out and get it. You are absolutely worth it!
And now… a list of tools.
First off: name it! This can be as simple as saying “there’s a lot of uncertainty in my life right now, and it’s hard to know how to navigate it all.” This sounds simple, I know, but it’s more powerful than it sounds. Acknowledging our external circumstances helps us to put our feelings into context, which makes it harder to be in a state of total self-blame.
Next: check in with your current safety levels. If you’re lying in a safe bed at night stressing about uncertainty, take some time to remember that you are safe in the moment. “I am lying in my bed, breathing. I feel the mattress supporting me, the weight of the blankets over me, and I trust that the sun will come up in the morning.” This is centering yourself in the here and now, which is very different from sending our thoughts into an unknown future.
Third: remind yourself of times that you’ve overcome uncertainty in the past. “I’ve stressed out over every final exam I’ve ever taken, but I’ve gotten way better at studying and I’ve done pretty well overall.” Do you have strengths you can call upon? Do you have lived experience of overcoming adversity? It’s easy to underestimate ourselves when we’re scared or uncomfortable, but if you have lived experience of making it through tough times, this can be a helpful way to re-frame the magnitude of those emotions.
Fourth: cultivate a sense of the “why” behind your decisions. If you’re worried about how you should handle an awkward situation in your life, check in with the why of your actions. “Well, I know that this employee has strengths in this area, and that person has a tough time communicating sometimes, so even if I don’t know the outcome, I trust the reasons I’m assigning these projects.” If you can find grounding in your knowledge and rationale, you can move forward knowing that you’re making the most informed decisions you can in the moment. Identify the tools you’re using and trust in the knowledge you’re applying the best you can. This can help move away from the magical thinking that you should be perfect all the time, no matter what the circumstance.
One more tool: get honest about the vastness of the uncertainty and what might need to happen to deal with it. There are many small, daily uncertainties that we deal with and there are big, overwhelming uncertainties. “How much traffic am I facing when I make that stressful drive,” can be answered by a new app on your phone. “How can I stop feeling so powerless in the face of our country being turned on its ear,” will need some more support (and possibly community action). “Why do I feel anxious all the time,” might need therapeutic or spiritual support. If we can get honest about the size of our discomfort, that can put things into perspective and can empower us to be realistic about what we need to do. This way uncertainty isn’t just lumped into one stressful category.
If you’d like to read further about uncertainty, there are lots of resources out there. For the folks that appreciate a Buddhist perspective, Comfortable With Uncertainty is a simple, friendly book that can help keep things in perspective. For those who are more NPR oriented, Life Kit has a nicely pragmatic article about dealing with uncertainty. I hope these resources are helpful for you, and, like the list above, I recommend reading them with curiosity about how they might be useful, perspective about the results of those practices, and an awareness that guided help is often needed in lieu of lists and articles.
No matter what, I’m here to support you in these crazy times. It’s a challenge to feel certain about life, and getting more familiar with that challenge is a powerful step in our ability to stand tall in the face of uncertainty.
Want more support? Don’t hesitate to reach out! Feel free to email me with questions or thoughts at [email protected], Or if you’re curious about coaching, schedule a complimentary, 20 minute consultation with me to have a conversation. And if you’re experiencing uncertainty about parenting or mentoring a queer or gender-expansive youth, please check me out at coachbekooy.com. There’s all kinds of uncertainty out there, and I’d be honored to work with you to help you stand tall throughout it all. Best wishes to all of you!
